I like certain foods.
Certain friends.
Certain coffee.
Certain prayers.
Certain Churches.
I like people to be predictable.
I like surprises, the good kind where you come home on your 18th birthday
and your friend has left a ridiculously large handmade card and a bottle of
Smirnoff on your doorstep...Just not the kind where someone changes character.
Or doesn't call anymore.
Or doesn't answer the door.
I panic.
Are they ok?
Are we ok?
I don't trust in God...I'm willing to admit this to as many devoted Catholics that read my blog.
I don't trust Him. But I'm working on it.
And I think for that reason, I don't trust people either...
I used to, but boy did I get burnt.
Again.
And again.
But time, grace, God and good friends are going to fix that.
Annie doesn't trust me...she cries out every minute or so for about 5 minutes each time waiting to make sure I'm still nearby at nap time.
So I pander to her and stick my head close to the keyhole of the door and whisper to her through it.
She doesn't trust the dark either.
So I found her a set of string lights and she's not so afraid anymore.
I was on my laptop at about 2am yesterday morning, and all of a sudden Annabel started to laugh from inside her crib. I wandered over to find her fast asleep with a great big smile on her little face, before she had another giggle...I'm so relieved she has good dreams, and the complications of my life aren't invading her sleep...or her waking hours either.
She got RayBans on Sunday...I just haven't been able to keep her still long enough to get a shot of her in them, but she won't take them off.
She's the only Christmas angel I ever heard of that has a dummy...
These cherries grew in the backyard...on a tree, obviously.
She's got the horse, she's just waiting for the knight to come along to fight to win our hearts- he must have fallen off.
This girl is amazing...she's gonna pull me through the nursing degree, I'm sure.
Chrissy Howe, I love you.
My girl with the long lashes...She's going to break hearts, I just pray, pray, pray that hers comes through intact.
Let's go back to the beginning...creature of habit and all.
I've gotten into the habit of wearing a silver band on my ring finger...
call it insecurity. Call it self defense, whatever.
But it is off. I'm done with it.
I've also been in the habit of calling myself 'taken'.
But I'm done. And wouldn't you know it, I'm single-
It's a scary thing all of this. Not so much liberating...but terrifying.
So my heart and head are a bit broken at the moment. Just bear with me.
In other news...the pro-life kind.
This little girl Taya Kennedy, was one of only 50 children picked out of over 2,000 by a leading modelling agency Urban Angels in the UK.
She has Trisomy 21. Or Down Syndrome.
Did I hear Emily's List cry poor quality of life?
What a beautiful child.
Also, please note, a few people have been asking about how to regularly get blog post notifications- if you scroll down the page to the bottom there is a "follow by email" space, and I figure if it does what it's supposed to do, and you guys aren't worried about sending your email into the unknown, you'll get blog post updates.
I've been angry these passed two days. Angry, and hurt, and bitter, and sad.
And I'm done with that too. Sadness is okay, I think hurt is too.
But Bitterness and anger affect my relationships with people I actually really care about.
I hope you guys are actually liking my blog- please don't read it out of a sense of obligation, really I don't mind if you don't want to or don't like reading it, because either way, I'm finding it very cathartic.
Before I go to sleep I'll leave you with a quote by my favourite group,
Mumford & Sons.
"There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears....with grace in your heart..." -After the Storm.
Goodnight. May your guardian angels watch over and protect you.
Trust in God more, and learn to trust one another.
Stephanie.
xo
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