"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."
But is there a time when you need to throw your hands to heaven in defeat? When there is so much water above you, the light at the surface is barely visible? When the harder you've tried to cover the wreckage the deeper you've dug your grave? When one party makes the decision to fly out of the country indefinitely, and you are left with the decision to wait, or give up and move on? Or when 3 years have passed and you have been torn apart by each other, by politics, by mistrust, suspicion and the devil, and it's just TIME. And you aren't bound by marriage, or by contract, or anything other than an unplanned child who will one day be okay with decisions made. Not amazing. Not perfect. Not unscathed. But okay.
Life has dealt a difficult hand to play for this little girl asleep in her bed.
On Sunday morning I woke just before sunrise, dressed in the best dress I own, woke Annabel and put her into her Christmas dress, to celebrate it early this year. We took her daddy to mass, before driving him to the airport to fly to Seattle. And it was sad. This Christmas Annabel and I will celebrate our first Christmas alone. No presents, no feast, no family. Just us, spending time in one anothers company.
Ecclesiastes 3 1-8:
"to everything there is a season...a time to love...a time to lose...a time to seek..."
I feel the need to hand everything over to God as Abraham was willing to when the Lord asked him to sacrifice his son upon the mountain. My pride and my will wants what it wants, but if I am truly His daughter, truly Catholic, and yearning for eternal salvation, then my own selfish, prideful, sinful, and self gratifying desires will amount to nothing. If I trust in the Lord, and place everything at the foot of the cross, He has promised to carry me through whatever is planned for me.
Luke 22:42:
“Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.”
On a lighter note we ran into our good friend Fred at the airport...
Go on take a closer look, he's actually looking directly at me...Yes, that's Crown Prince Frederik of Denmark...
I was feeling pretty special...
Anyway that's all I got tonight people.
Pray for me, and I'll pray for you and yours.
Letting go is hard to do, hanging on is harder still.
May God grant you, me and us, grace, courage and wisdom...
for things unchangeable, things changeable, and how to know which is which.
Goodbye and/or goodnight.
Stephanie.
xoxo
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