I am Moved.

It's 2am here, and I can hear the rain.



I find I don't truly see Annabel that often...

That is to say, really SEE her.

Between meals, baths, chastising, playing, nappy changing, washing and the rest...

I don't really get to stop and just breathe her in.



Yet there is a time each day, that I take the time, and I my breath is literally
taken away...

and I need to remind myself to inhale again...she is SO beautiful.

This time of day is just ours.
Where I walk into 'our' room, and she is fast asleep beneath her lights.
And she lays there so peacefully, blanket pulled up high, Pingu & Bear cuddled in and she is there.
Inhale.
And dreaming.
Exhale.
And I just watch.
And often I pray.
For her past.
Her present.
Her future.

I wonder in all the madness of her 2 years and 3 months of life in this outside world, how much she comprehends. How much emptiness she feels. How much anguish.
And I am moved.

There is no other way to put it.

I am MOVED.
And aware.
Of my daughter.
Of God.
Of life.



And I am thankful.

I was preparing her for bed this evening, and putting her into her sleeping bag, and every night during this, we whisper to one another.

"I love you."
"I love YOU."

"Goodnight."
"Goodnight."

And tonight she once again stopped my heart for a moment.
We prayed to her Guardian Angel.
And I whispered to her,
"God bless you, Annie."
And she replied,
"God bless you mummy."

She moves me.
She makes my purpose before God ever clearer,
and I am humbled.
Thank God.



Annabel Elizabeth Stuckey,
Never doubt that you are wanted.
That you are loved.
That you are meant to be here.
That God loves you more than I am capable of loving you.

With Love.